Spanking - Abuse or Discipline?

[buddyxlee]

This debate has been raging on amongst moms on a site that my wife is apart of (Cafemom) so what does the Duelz community have to say?

Is spanking abuse or is it simply discipline?

[madrigals]

It's not really so cut and dry of a notion though. Most of us have been spanked at some point in time in our lifetime and most of us aren't running to the police to press charges on our parents. A simple spanking is just negative reinforcement which has debatable effectiveness anyway, but it doesn't really constitute abuse if you were fine 5 minutes later. Abuse is inflicting physical harm that is serious, and usually happens over a period of time. Most people who are abused are afraid to say anything about it, so it goes on for far too long. You have to separate between a parent disciplining their child with a few swats on the butt, and a parent blatantly inflicting serious harm the the child that is endangering their health. It's a hard call to make because no one is at other people's homes monitoring their parenting, and it's tough to believe the adult or the child as to whether or not the discipline was abuse.


I like to believe that most spanking, whether or not I believe in it, isn't abuse, but there are circumstances in which a serious situation is occurring and needs to be stopped. Whether spanking is a good solution is another argument, but unless the parents are going over the line it's not our decision to make on how they should parent their kids. More should be done to shine a light on the situations where kids are afraid to speak up, but we don't need every kid who got a spanking to call the authorities.

[kelvinbrown]

I agree.

Kelvin

[Kurt]

As posted above, it depends on how severe. I'd draw the line at if the spanking leaves marks still visible after a few hours, not just a little "pink" on the cheeks that lasts for a few minutes.

I find it almost as bad having the government tell us how to discipline our children, as I do a pretty harsh spanking.

[QuatuorMortis]

Spanking is a good way to discipline children. Very few of today's parents spank their children (is that why kids today don't listen to their parents at all?)

My father was disciplined with the strap at home and even at school. My mother was hit by ruler-wielding nuns at school. I thought those days had passed, but apparently the strap is still used today:

Religious family believes in strap

I'm not religious so I don't understand why using the strap on children is okay.

[The Clown]

Originally Posted by madrigals

It's not really so cut and dry of a notion though. Most of us have been spanked at some point in time in our lifetime and most of us aren't running to the police to press charges on our parents. A simple spanking is just negative reinforcement which has debatable effectiveness anyway, but it doesn't really constitute abuse if you were fine 5 minutes later. Abuse is inflicting physical harm that is serious, and usually happens over a period of time. Most people who are abused are afraid to say anything about it, so it goes on for far too long. You have to separate between a parent disciplining their child with a few swats on the butt, and a parent blatantly inflicting serious harm the the child that is endangering their health. It's a hard call to make because no one is at other people's homes monitoring their parenting, and it's tough to believe the adult or the child as to whether or not the discipline was abuse.


I like to believe that most spanking, whether or not I believe in it, isn't abuse, but there are circumstances in which a serious situation is occurring and needs to be stopped. Whether spanking is a good solution is another argument, but unless the parents are going over the line it's not our decision to make on how they should parent their kids. More should be done to shine a light on the situations where kids are afraid to speak up, but we don't need every kid who got a spanking to call the authorities.

Just to nitpick a little, spanking would actually be positive punishment, not negative reinforcement. Negative reinforcement involves taking something away, usually some sort of negative stimulus. Positive reinforcement involves the giving of a positive stimulus. Spanking is neither negative nor reinforcement - it gives something, making it positive, and it does something to discourage a behavior as opposed to encouraging it, so it's punishment, not reinforcement.

However, I agree with the gist of your post that it's not abuse unless it's an incredibly serious spanking.

At a certain very young age, a spanking or a swat on the hand is the only punishment a child is really able to comprehend anyway. That age is a lot younger than most parents seem to think, but it does exist.

I don't agree with spanking for the most part merely because it's ineffective. It doesn't teach children that their behavior is bad, it teaches them to not get caught. There are more effective measures of discipline that teach that the behavior is bad.

However, in certain situation when a child is in immediate danger, spanking may be the best method. For example, if a child keeps running out into the road no matter how many times they are warned about the dangers of that behavior and disciplined in alternate ways, a spanking may be necessary.

[Castle]

Having actually been spanked frequently, to the point when I was 12 or 13, I could look back on my life and never see a single day when I had not been spanked.

Having been repeatedly struck to the floor for it seemed like an hour when I was 14-15 because I refused to let my mother cut my hair, until my mother begged my father to stop before he killed me.

Having won the 98 pound wrestling championship for my school at the end of grade 10. (that shows how small I was for my age)

Having had the #1 dream that when I grew up I was going to beat the hell out of my father.

Having had my father come for me when I ws 15, and I ran from him, and he chased me to my room and I took a shotgun off the wall and told him if he ever touched me again, and I meant it. And he never did.

Considering all that I am generally against spanking.

I spanked my son once as a test, when he was about 7, it was nothing harsh, but he still remembers it, and I never did it again. It wasn't necessary, and it didn't accomplish what I wanted.

Having said all that, all children are different. Some are responsive, others are not.

If it was a question of preventing a child from running across a road, or preventing them from hurting or intimidating another, then perhaps a spanking or intimidation would be worth trying, as a last resort.

When my son was 1 or 2, his sister who was 10 or 11 and not my daughter used to wack him hard. I used to ask her not to do it but she did it anyway. One day I had to tell her what would happen if she ever did it again.

It was not a good situation to say the least. She and her mother both carried on about how the daughter could do whatever she wanted since she was not my daughter, and I had no right.

And I had one answer: You do and I will do, or try it.

And she never did, which is all I wanted.

That is an extreme solution which I don't really think is the best.

Since that awful past I have moved towards a life that is more peaceful. Part of that has been becoming a vegetarian, why torture animals just so I can eat? I try to have high ideals and aspirations, can't say I always succeed.

Castle

P.S. I finally did grow at around 18 or 19, I stopped really paying attention once I passed 5 foot 3 in grade 11, but I finally hit almost 6 feet tall, not as tall as Kurt, but plenty tall enough for me who once became afraid he was never going to be taller than 5 feet tall.

[Hysfuddynub]

Dumbass spammer

[ezrydn]

My grandmother would always make me go out and get a "switch" off the bush by the front porch. I had to get a good one or she would, leaves and all. A couple of times, my grandfather took his belt to me. Was it abuse?

No, it was deserved. And it got it's point across. If you don't like the consequences, don't do the actions. I learned and fast.

Writing "I won't do it again" 500 times wouldn't make an impression on me. Getting yelled at wouldn't do it, either. But that "switch" and belt? Got my attention BIG TIME!

If I got into trouble at school, my grandfather would tell the Boy's Vice-Principal, "From 8 to 3, he's your responsibility." I remember that wooden paddle...with holes in it.

[Kurt]

John,

Just to make sure, we're not talking about Madam Payne that charges $250 an hour?

[ezrydn]

But, Kurt. I always take your refferals seriously. LOL